To help you formulate a plan of attack, I combed through the events and deals being offered by more than 950 retailers, designers, and brands to bring you what are the eighteen greatest to-dos (so far, anyway), based on your overall mission for the evening (e.g. splurging on faddy merch, getting tanked, having eye sex with supermodels, etc.). I can't promise the events won't be mobbed, or that you'll get within Lomo-snapping distance of Karlie Kloss, but at least now you've got a fighting chance.
WHERE TO GO IF ... you take most of your sartorial inspiration from summer music festivals, Pitchfork, and Dazed & Confused:
• Helmut Lang's outdoor dance party, which'll be D.J.-ed by Harley Viera Newton and Cassie Coane. Cocktails from Death & Company will help loosen up the tightwads.
• Ralph Lauren's Soho shop, where neo-soul singer Janelle Monáe will perform a set hosted by André Leon Talley. Here's hoping Vogue's contributing ed attempts the Tightrope.
• Balenciaga, which is presenting a set by redheaded model/singer/wife of Jack White Karen Elson. She'll be performing songs from her debut album, The Ghost Who Walks, and maaaybe — fingers crossed — dueting with her hubby.
WHERE TO GO IF ... your love of makeup borders on haul-vlogger obsessiveness:
• Chanel, of course, who does "it" nail polishes better than anyone (Jade, Particuliere, Nouvelle Vague, need we say more?). The brand's Soho shop is giving polish junkies a first look at its forthcoming Les Khakis de Chanel collection and offering complimentary manicures.
• The Rag & Bone and 3.1 Phillip Lim Mercer Street Block Party, where makeup guru Gucci Westman will be offering mini-makeovers to FNOers. Customers who make a purchase at Phillip Lim’s store will also receive a complimentary tube of NARS' new Pure Matte lipstick.
• MAC, which is launching its Fabulous Felines Fall 2010 color collection (see — we told you cats were in!). Sarah Silverman will be at the brand’s Broadway store for a special stand-up performance (insert requisite pussy joke here).
WHERE TO GO IF...you have straight guys in tow, possibly against their will:
• Billy Reid, whose bourbon-fueled Southern rock party was one of last year's FNO highlights.
• Armani, where juiceheads of all stripes can get their pic taken with Sports Illustrated cover girl Bar Refaeli.
WHERE TO GO IF... you thrill at seeing designers and/or celebrities in potentially endearing and/or embarrassing situations:
• Barneys, hands down ground zero for fashion fans. Forget meet-and-greets — Doonan Land has Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough of Proenza Schouler judging a friggin' karaoke contest; plebs playing Ping Pong doubles against fashion greats like David Neville and Marcus Wainwright of Rag & Bone, Sam Shipley and Jeff Halmos of Shipley & Halmos, and Rogan Gregory and Scott Hahn of Rogan; and Daphne Guinness looking stunning, as usual, in the Comme des Garçons fragrance section.
• Of course, if your Ping Pong-lovin' self can't get within ten blocks of the bound-to-be-swamped Barneys, try Bloomingdale’s instead: The department store is also hosting a Ping Pong play-off starring Michael Williams of A Continuous Lean, designer George McCracken, and GQ style editor Adam Rappaport. Not a bad consolation prize, especially if you consider the rest of the store's A-list lineup: Michael Kors, John Varvatos, Elie Tahari, and Iron Chef Morimoto.
• Bergdorf Goodman is hosting a doggie fashion show, with designers like Thakoon, Reem Acra, and James Mischka slated to walk the runway with their costumed canine companions. The department store is also getting in on the karaoke action with a sing-sing party hosted by photographer Patrick McMullan; Cynthia Rowley, Eugenia Kim, Nicholas Kirkwood, Nicole Richie, and Norma Kamali are just a few of the fashion insiders expected to take the stage. (Note: This comes 30 minutes before a meet-and-greet sesh with Victoria Beckham, whose hobnobbing will be soundtracked by guest DJ Brian Atwood.)
WHERE TO GO IF... you laugh in the face of credit card debt:
• Kirna Zabete, where spendthrifts can scoop up mini PS1 wallets from Proenza Schouler, exclusive wave print tops and tap pants by Thakoon, cocktail napkins from Peter Som, and owl-print scarves courtesy of Jason Wu.
• What Goes Around Comes Around, where designers Pamela Love, Melissa Akey and Beth Blake (Thread Social), and Stefan Miljanic (Gilded Age) will be mingling with guests and selling their reworked vintage pieces.
• Opening Ceremony in the Ace Hotel, which is setting up a French-style flea market in the lobby; expect to see Alexander Wang, the Mulleavy sisters, and Joseph Altuzarra all manning booths filled with exclusive merch.
• Partners and Spade, where Vena Cava's Sophie Buhai and Lisa Mayock are hosting a "fashion outsiders" party where they'll sell one-of-a-kind items created by people with no connection to the fashion industry. Participants include a police officer, a toddler, an Oklahoma farmer, some prisoners, and, awesomely, Mayock’s dad.
WHERE TO GO IF... you really care more about eating than shopping:
• The Crangi Family Project in the MPD, where Philip Crangi and the Costello Tagliapietra boys will be shucking oysters and selling limited-edition aprons and glass-beaded African necklaces.
• Lord & Taylor, which is hosting a Street Truck Face-Off. Cupcake Stop, Street Sweets, Treats Truck, and Van Leeuwen Artisan Ice Cream will each be parked on different floors; we suggest snacking after you've been through the fitting rooms.
WHERE TO GO IF... you wouldn’t dream of bumping into Anna Wintour without a perfect blowout:
• Henri Bendel, which has partnered with Frederic Fekkai and Marchesa to offer shoppers a “Red Carpet Moment Experience.” Guests will pay $75 to get their hair and makeup done by the Fekkai team; afterward, they’ll be escorted to a red carpet where The City's Olivia Palermo will be on-hand to give them posing lessons. Photographic proof included.
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